Posted on: September 2, 2016 Posted by: Admin Comments: 0

If you have lived in this country for a decent amount of time, you have probably experienced what it is like to drive through a herd of buffaloes. What’s that? You live in Defence and your favorite spot to eat is English Tea House and you haven’t experienced that? Well let me paint you a picture.

Imagine your grandmother, the poor frail old lady, is in front of your car as you are getting late for school. Now imagine there is a herd of your grandmothers, clones, all over the road. Your Honda Civic can probably go around 180 km/h. Your grandmother on the other hand would be too scared to do 2km/h. Now follow along with your imagination; do you see a very weird image in your head of a few dozen of your grandmothers squirming about in the road as you are trying to get to class? That is what driving through a herd of buffalos is like (granted buffalos are much superior in strength and milking power than your grandmother, but I digress).

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Now let’s extrapolate this image a little more. Imagine the herd of buffaloes is made of metal, and each buffalo is being herded by an average LUMS student. This is a peculiar situation would you not say? What would you do now, dear Civic owner from DHA? How will you ever get to that gender studies class that you fought for so valiantly during add/drop? Well fear not, for you are not alone. This is an image all too common every morning in the free parking here at LUMS. Every single one of you so called smarticle particles that got into this university for some eluding reason feel the need to park your car in the most buffalo way possible. Like, imagine a metal buffalo being parked by an elephant. That is the disaster that is the free parking.

Now, everyone and anyone can complain, as we have seen on LDF. No one really does anything. If anything, some of the complainers themselves are buffaloes. So let ME, an unidentifiable chameleon of a thing, tell you what to do because 12 years of Pakistan’s formal education has obviously failed you. If you are an early bird, the jungle code of free parking dictates that you get to park anywhere you want. Now, this does not mean that you do not have rules to follow. So here in the following graphic I illustrate the available parking spots for you provided you find empty space there. If you botch this one up, you will be crowned king buffalo. (Buffaloes are female so I don’t know how kingship would work there but yeah…) You get to park anywhere in the green zones. Also applicable to the driver bathroom area and the second parking.

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Generally the early comers are not the issue its the lazy ones that come in late that are the most buffalo. You lot are the ones who park your car like a meth head cares for her infant son. Very poorly, I must say. You are not supposed to leave your car wherever you find even a centimeter of space. Half the space in the second parking is usually empty. Just park there and use that walk to lose the jiggles around your thighs. No one likes jiggly legs, unless you got dem beyonce thang thangs, which I know you don’t.

In conclusion, learn to walk!

Here are some of the brightest moments in our history. Bohot aage jao ge tum log.

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