Lums. It finally started off. First week’s anticipation. And I broke down on Wednesday. I won’t say that, we, stary-eyed freshies were not warned. They said there will be piles and piles of most boring readings you’ll ever came across. They said there will be back to back classes until your empty stomach makes those churning noises and all you can do is cringe upon the sound and checking sideways, viewing the reaction of your fellow mates, only relaxing when their stomachs correspond similarly. Beside the world of hungry-stomachs-whiny-talks, there was something nobody talked about. In those almost harmless 75 minutes lecture, apart from going through the ordeal of “I. Must. Stay. (Erm Correction) LOOK. Awake” we were also supposed to fight a monster more real than your under the bed wala monster… I along with my friends borrowed the Lums jargon ‘CP‘ and named it CP monster.
For all those students, let me be precise, SSE students, no wait I like precision to the point of perfection, So for all those SSE-Humari-Char-Chay-Ghatnay-
Ki-Lab-Hoti-Hai-Students, CP monster is a constant headache of SDSB and MGHSS students. It can be found in almost all of the classes, eating a chunk of your grade pie and that chunk mind you is 10-20% of your grade. The game is simple all you have to do is speak out three times in a class this includes adding to the discussion and for the most part (since I have four credit hours writing and com let it seep into my writing) be the ‘red herring’ of the class.
Instructor opened the arena by saying “CP will be marked from today on wards” which is interpreted as “throw your hands up in the air sometimes saying aaye yo gotta let go”. Hell just broke loose, hands shot up in a jiffy. You know that boy, yeah the one you wouldn’t notice for your entire stay at LUMS. Exactly that one. In an accent faker than Paul McCartney’s terrible American accent, he swoons the instructor with his pointless point of discussion. And you are sitting there blinking, trying to figure out the mind capability which can produce such a remark.
So after a few sessions you think it’s time to pick up the pace and get into the game. There comes a point when you really know the answer and before raising your hand you just go like ‘no wait let me rephrase my thought’ and that’s when years of schooling betrays you, with the building fear of public speaking, you end up like… I know no English, I talk Urdu maybe, maybe no. I don’t talk. Ever. Never. And between all this dilemma you realize that the class has moved ahead without your still-processing-comment.
So next time you decide you will just throw your hand up and blurt out what ever comes in your mind. But there is a problem. Problem of invisibility. It occurs when instructor sees right through your head and points out the ever so excited dude behind you, or decides to ignore your side of the class for the entire session.
Warning: This phenomenon of Invisibility tends to stop working once you take your cellphone out or doodle on your notes or better still doze off for a second or two. These activities suddenly classify you as the most interesting object in the class and instructor glares down your very soul.
Right so where were we, oh yes with our hand still in the air. That’s when the person in the front row is given a chance and he says out your comment. Ditto. Exact. The very thought. And you pull your hand down, trying your best not to kick the seat of that person. The horror of the event intensifies when the guy at the front is jumping on his seat and you really wake up to listen to his words of wisdom. He gets picked up and he says (pardon me) REPEATS the same point. Ditto. Exact. The very thought. And his comment is not just acknowledged by the instructor but CP marks are also awarded. That’s when you just look up to the heavens and cry out for justice.
CP monster laid some eggs which hatched and gave us the CP-snatchers! They will come up with such a comprehensive, well scripted five minute long CP that all the hands in the air one by one disappear and with them any hope of CP points also dies.
There are times when you had a quiz and under the justification of ‘mainay all-nighter mara hai’ you doze off in the class. Suddenly the person next to you finds this strong urge of participating and you have to look awake for your own good. That person however amazes you with the ‘world class bongi of the decade’ and you feel the need of giving a standing ovation screaming “Please someone hand this person a Nobel Prize.”
By the end you develop this mutual understanding that CP means marks so even if you cleverly paraphrase the previous comment or be the ‘red herring’ of the class or just make a poor generic remark, somewhere at the back of the class your TA snatches a mark from the CP monster and adds it to your score bank. So happy CP-ing guys!