Posted on: November 4, 2015 Posted by: Syed Taabish Ali Naqvi Comments: 0

Speculation upon speculation, social media outlets have been bombarded with an issue more important than the current earthquake epidemic-Imran and Reham Khan’s divorce, which shook us harder than any aftershocks. Naturally, LDS writers decided to delve into this mystery, instead of living off mere rumours.

Recently famous and lovable glamour model, Qandeel Baloch, made a shocking marriage proposal to Imran Khan. This caused sparks of outrage and shock to fly amongst the non-crisis afflicted Pakistanis. LDS decided to speak to key figures of this critical political drama which will definitely reshape Pakistan’s political scenario.

Reham Khan opened up to our reporter, “At first I thought Imran’s political friends had conspired to destroy our marriage, but now I realise they were colluding to bring Qandeel Baloch as the new face of PTI. 4 months into our marriage and I felt Imran distanced himself, he would suffer horrible dreams, screaming about a devil with a bad hair transplant, crying out ‘DHANDLI! DHANDLI!’ I didn’t know what to say, what to do. Imran’s condition deteriorated for a month and suddenly he started taking long trips out, I wasn’t sure what to think, he’d come back happy so I figured why not let him be. I should’ve known Qandeel was the new cause of his happiness. She’s just so Mar-WA-LUS!” LDS had to stop the interview due to Reham’s uncontrollable sobs.

Qandeel Baloch accepted interview calls after much persuasion from LDS. She started off by her signature statement, “First tell me, how em lookin??” After hearing the desired answer (which took us good ten minutes to come up with) she continued, “ohkay so, I love IK, sorry Imran Khan, my Khan. Reham is lying horribly about me, she just jealous of my looks and voice. IK never cheated on Reham at me! But that’s okay, he can marry with me later now that divorce at Reham is being ended.”

LDS then decided to talk to the man of the hour, the man who successfully got the limelight and well-deserved airtime than the insignificant, needy people of Pakistan. “You see, my marriages were like a couple of bouncers, and I got stumped trying to pull off a hook shot. However, this second bouncer was foul play I tell you! PML-N has something to do with this, I’m sure! How could it possibly be my fault? I’m perfect!” Imran khan said as he ran his hand through his hair. “Want to know something else? Reham was jealous of my hair, look at it, it’s so soft!”

LDS then decided to talk to the Prime minister of Pakistan. Prime Minister Nawaz Shareef declined our interview offer for a total of 5 times before he decided to grant LDS a chance to interview him, and simultaneously directed his marketing department to make a promotional video about granting LDS some time. LDS asked him a series of very important questions to whom he nodded thoughtfully and hummed in agreement. LDS then asked him the most important questions, “What do you have to say about the Imran Reham Divorce?” Nawaz Shareef looked up and said, “Thank you Raheel Sharif.”

We hope LDS comprehensive effort in unearthing nothing from nothing has finally sufficed your need for spiced up news, if any was left after the sensationalist headlines which flashed for hours on News Channels.

Note: This is a fictionalised, satirical publication. It’s content should not be taken as actual record of events.

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