The wind plays with your flailing hair as you carelessly navigate your way across the footpath, following your intuition to wherever it leads you. ‘What a fine day to be alive and well’, you think to yourself; and then it hits you; reality in the form of a steel post that seems to have emerged from the depths of hell with the express purpose of ramming you into the ground. But that’s what life is like now; you’re an SSE major after all (insert ‘passive aggressive smiley face here’).
With resentment that increases non-uniformly with displacement from your origin (set up an integral to calculate the work you need to do to overcome this feeling; As Sir Adam would infamously say) you drag your way to the five-hour long ordeal of ‘discovery’. Ah, but not quite yet, as you dawdle past the hub of social activity, you see your HSS counterparts having a laugh. There’s a group of friends that’s playing cards, a couple that’s well… doing whatever it is that couples do (I wouldn’t know) and then there’s that trio trying to get the perfect angle for their perfect Instagram post with their newly acquired selfie stick (no modern social setting is complete without these self obsessed maniacs). You’d like to take the stick and smash it on their heads, but you resist the urge to do so.
A gruelling eternity later, you exit the not so heavenly clutches of knowledge. Mentally broken and physically exhausted you make a figurative crawl to distance yourself from any work space that bears resemblance to a laboratory; and then…
“Believe you me”, there they are again…still fiddling around with that damned selfie stick; putting all of humanity to shame for ever making technological advances that lead to the existence of this meaningless abomination of an apparatus. You no longer want to smash the stick on their heads; a graphic description of your new inclinations however, is excessively explicit for such a public forum and I leave it to the imagination of the audience (followed by not one but three ‘Passive aggressive smiley faces’).
Unwittingly, you set yourself down with a tray of what seems like a Daedalian piece right out of Picasso’s reject bin (not referring to PDC food at all). Famished and devoid of energy (and the will to live), you begin to eat anyway. Finally buying yourself a moment of peace, Right? Right? Right?
Reality check in the form of our metaphorical steel post makes an anticipated (yet non-negotiable) return. You rush to the library in an attempt to salvage whatever’s left of your grade point average. Frantically pacing from corner to corner, trying to locate a cubicle in order to disengage yourself from civilization. A dozen (unfruitful) readings of Einstein’s theory of special relativity later, you realize that it’s almost past midnight. Time seems to have hurried away. I guess that’s how time dilation works.
Looking up at the hovering crescent, you exit the library; ready to call it a day .The seductive breeze and serene aura of the night-time however, lure you onto the vacant benches. You close your eyes and fade away into the gentle lullaby of the night. A sense of serenity and calmness takes over and your sorrows begin to depart; almost as if they had drifted away with the setting of the sun. Don’t get too comfortable though, time dilation works its magic once again! With the rise of the sun, your set of trials and tribulations too returns. Struggling to get a grip of your surroundings you scurry to your 8 am class (much like the squirrels scampering right beside you). Halfway through your run, you encounter a non-SSE friend, also rubbing his/her eyes and groaning in exhaustion.
“Rough night, huh?”, you ask (really shouldn’t have).
“You have no idea! I spent the entire night planning and executing the perfect surprise party for my best friend (surprise, surprise — pun intended). It’s so much work I tell you, you have no idea! Anyway I’m gonna get some sleep, good thing I don’t have any classes today. See ya!”
Insert an infinite amount of ‘passive aggressive smiley faces’.
Note: The arguably wild exaggerations are meant to add a tinge of humor; life is in fact well and good.
Nor do I have anything against anyone from any school; I’m sure you’re all delightful people. And selfie sticks are perfectly fine too.
Feedback and criticism are welcome; nay, appreciated; so don’t hold back.