Posted on: November 1, 2015 Posted by: Mahnoor Fatima Comments: 0

During O-week, many freshmen (including myself) expressed a desire to be a part of school societies; we did not want our lack of awareness of how LUMS worked to prevent us from missing out on opportunities. However, my O-week coach brushed off our insecurities with a smile, “Student Events par sab kuch aajaata hai, kuch nahi miss ho ga (Everything comes on Student Events, you won’t miss a thing).”

In the course of these few months, the Students Events has become a living, breathing organism, not unlike the cats in the khokha who make doe-eyes at you to share their food with them. Mentioned below are some examples of Student Events emails which we have all come to know and love (relatively speaking):

1) The OLX-Men:

Dear Lums Students who choose to sell laptops, cell phones and course packs,

I really wish I could afford your goods/commodities. I probably could have, had I not had an affinity towards eating at Jammin’ Java  once a week, and thus emptying my bank account.

 

2) The Lost and Seldom Found:

The widespread incidences of theft around campus are both alarming and fascinating. Are these individual thefts or does a hidden crime ring exist within these bricked walls? In any case:

 

3) The Sports Events:

LUMS has a fair amount of talented athletes who are genuinely passionate about their sports. However, be warned: When intraschool sports events take place, I will not hesitate to sweat profusely and run around aimlessly, trying to help the team as best I can.

 

4) The Bloodlink:

Did you think this point was going to be a satirical jab at giving blood? Hahahah…no. Blood donation is important, and it makes you feel pretty good about yourself. Just ask all your underweight friends who wistfully imagine the day they can save lives and get free Gluco biscuits with juice.

 

5) The Seminars and Lectures:

A myriad of lectures are held by guest speakers and LUMS instructors alike on campus. The ones tend to spark your interest will invariably clash with practice, meetings or late classes i.e. they come at a price. Mostly they prove to be worth it, and you leave with an idea or a feed you had never thought of which makes you feel immensely intellectual…mostly because there is no test at the end of these lectures.

 

6) The Predictable Pranksters:

I feel sorry for those poor, naive souls who leave their computers unattended for a few minutes only to have their accounts violated by someone else. I hope they can rest peacefully knowing that the best these hackers could come up with were cheeky one-liners which made everyone collectively laugh and groan. This one has been my personal favorite:

“Hi Ladiss, Why hit rock bottom when you can hit my bottom.”

 

7) The Unsubscribe:

My sentiments can only be expressed using this gif:

Hades

Seriously, though. Is there an unsubscribe option for the unsubscribe emails?

 

8)The Stuff You actually Need:

This marks about 10% of what your outlook consists of the documents you need for your courses or the feedback on your assignments. All you can do is take some time out to rummage through the avalanche of spam and hope you did not delete the important stuff.

 

And finally…

 

9) The OSA:

Sorry knights in shining offices, your emails can frighten the dragon back into its cage, but you might never be able to extinguish its fire.

Mahnoor Fatima

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